You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
