if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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