I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I can't put those talents on a resume
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
