My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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