I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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