Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
