mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
