It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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