we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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