Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
