we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
