she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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