It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I touched a dick in church today
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
