Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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