Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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