Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
