Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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