please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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