Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
