Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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