I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
