I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
