I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
