apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just found puke in my bra..
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
