cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
