Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
