I'm really into asian looking animals
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
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