I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
