I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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