Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
