And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
