Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
