he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
