when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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