just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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