someone owes me an orgasm
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
