I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
