Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
