i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i need some magic done to my vagina
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
