Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
