you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
