i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
