Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
