He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
