Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
