there's paper in my vomit.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
