it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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