You did not just play the dead husband card again.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
