what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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