I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
