My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
