She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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