After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
love makes seman taste better
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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