Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
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